can’t dish it out if you can’t take it

I’ve been asked a lot in the last few weeks to compare my personal style to Suri Cruise’s. I portray Suri as a very fashion-conscious individual, so I think people expect that I keep up with the trends. And while I do love clothes, I am not nearly as knowledgeable as I pretend to be.

I also have been asked a lot what I think Suri and her peers will think of their childhood fame when they are grown-ups. I have no idea what they’ll think about the paparazzi pics, the magazine covers, or, sure, the parody blogs, but I do suspect that they’ll look back in amused horror at the clothes their parents dressed them in. I know I do.

I pulled out some photos of me from my childhood — I’m sure these clothes were trendy at the time, Mom. (I’m the biggest kid in all of these pictures. That never happens.)


Those are the best capri-length pastel overalls that money could buy. My sister is wearing windbreaker pants. (Enough said.) You can see the discarded matching jacket in the background. What a look. Cousin Evan’s sharp outfit withstands the test of time.


Would you call this look color blocking? Or just mismatching? I don’t ever remember that neckline style being acceptable, and yet Chelsea and I are both attempting the loose turtleneck look. I wonder if my outfit pieces started out the same color and then went through the wash separately. That wouldn’t explain why it fits so poorly, though. That Peppermint Patty doll’s clothes fit better than mine. I actually like Chelsea’s look, and she is rocking her trademark “some hair up, some hair down” style, which she was extremely committed to.

Make it stop. What is going on with the straps and the random green rosette and that blunt haircut? Chelsea knows not to be proud to be seen with me.


Rocking a half-shirt and a high-waisted skirt. Never come back, 90’s. Chelsea’s color-blocked dress would be wearable today. So would her haircut. Not mine. This may have been the period after my regrettable decision to cut my own hair. Drastic measures were taken.


This is probably the stupidest dress ever sold. Shoulder cut-outs, an insane pattern, a flamingo applique? It’s literally a head-scratcher, apparently. How did that baby (my cousin) manage to sleep when this dress was SO LOUD? I really want Annie Stamell to leave a comment here and say that she would wear that dress, because she probably would.