this us weekly article is everything bad about celebrity journalism.

“PICS: Bikini-Clad Neve Campbell Introduces Baby!”

If by “introduces,” you mean, “gets papped from afar while taking her child outside,” then sure, she introduced her baby. But when I think of someone introducing their baby, I think of, like, Roc and Roe on 20/20 or Maxwell Drew Johnson in People or the beginning of The Lion King. “Introduces” implies consent. Neve Campbell did not put out a press release when her baby was born, she has not provided the press with a name, and no one even knows her child’s sex.

These are the kinds of pictures I won’t post to Suri’s Burn Book. For starters, they are boring and Neve Campbell is barely famous, but mostly … this isn’t what I want to make fun of. I want to make fun of the C-listers who LOVE to parade their children around in public for attention. (Giuliana Rancic and Vanessa Lachey are going to keep my blog in business for years.) The paparazzi are free to take photos in public, but for Us Weekly to suggest that she or her child had any agency in this situation is ridiculous and creepy.

[Sidebar: I wonder if this is coming across as hypocritical. I hope not. If it is, maybe this is worthy of a longer post about my own “editorial” decision-making process. (There is one.)]

Also: “The new mom proudly showed off her post-baby body in a black bikini while splashing in the water with her man.” If I never hear the phrase “post-baby body” ever again, it’ll be too soon. How do you know she “showed it off”? How do you know she did so “proudly”? Ugh, that sentence is so offensive to me as a person.

It’s too hard to be a lady in this country these days.


the cover of my book is PINK.

I’m a little obsessed with the cover of Suri’s Burn Book. It’s so sassy and sweet — and then that old-school-Suri dig at Shiloh’s expense. That was the first joke I ever wrote for the blog! And it’s still right there at the top of the page. The folks at Running Press did a great job on the book design; now I can’t wait for everyone to see what’s inside!

My excitement level (and my appreciation of pink) can really only be compared to the ball of elation that is Sophia Grace in this video, at around 1:20: