So I’m laying in bed falling asleep to the quieting and familiar sounds of Downton Abbey when I get a text. It’s from a Maryland number, and the limited text history is about being buzzed into my apartment. This new text, however, is inviting me out on a boat tomorrow. (!!!)
My friend Dave was at my apartment on Thursday night and he had texted me or called me when he was downstairs from a number I didn’t have saved. (Work cell? Someone else’s because his phone died? You’d have to ask him.) So I immediately was like OH MY GOSH DAVE IS THE BEST FRIEND EVER AND I AM GOING ON A BOAT.
Listen, there are two things you drop everything for: 1) family emergencies and 2) boat invitations. I was already planning my outfit in my mind and trying to figure out if I need to buy sunscreen in the morning.
I texted back to find out the plan, because I have really important plans tomorrow night involving Spice Girls and The Newsroom, and Posh Spice waits for no boat. (My text also included the word “Awesome” with a LOT of extra E’s on the end.)
The response was, “Oh my God, I’m so drunk, I texted this to the wrong person. I’m so sorry.”
I was crestfallen. Now, not to call Dave out, but none of this is seeming out of character at this point. Our friendship is such that it wouldn’t be all that weird for him to (A) have a random friend who has a boat, (B) decide to invite me out with a bunch of people at the last minute (especially since, as mentioned, I had just seen him on Thursday), or (C) accidentally drunk-invite someone to a boat party.
So I responded with the only appropriate message: “You suck.”
He responds, and this is where it gets weird…
“That’s fair, I have douchebag status. To be fair, you are the first Craigslist girl I have ever inadvertently hit on.”
Realization hit me with a wave of mortification. It wasn’t Dave. It was the person who bought a cabinet from me on Craigslist this morning. Whose weird boating invitation I had immediately accepted. And then bitched at when he withdrew the invitation. I tried to explain it in a follow-up text, that I thought it was my friend who had also recently been to my house and that I was in a weird mixture of one-third asleep, one-third late night Downton warm fuzzies, and one-third BOAT JUBILATION when I responded to that text. I saw what I wanted to see and totally forgot that a stranger had spent ten minutes at my apartment this morning.
I’m sure he thought I was making that up. I’m sure he thought that I thought he was asking me on a boat date, and that I was extremely enthusiastic about that prospect. (I used the word Awesomeeeeeeeee.) I want to die.
We agreed to call it a draw on who made that texting situation more awkward, but let’s be honest, it was me. He has drinking as an excuse for bad texting, but all I have is boating enthusiasm.